Sunday, March 25, 2007

MENYINGKAP SELIMUT ITU !


Ketika anda menyingkap selimut seseorang, itu menunjukkan kedekatan hubungan anda dengan orang tersebut. Karena aku percaya kalau anda tidak mempunyai hubungan yang dekat dengan orang tersebut, jangankan menyingkap selimut, masuk ke kamar orang tersebut saja, sudah salah.

Sebaliknya kalau anda dekat dengan orang tersebut, jangankan menyingkap selimut itu, masuk bergabung di balik selimut tersebut saja, sah! Aku tidak akan berbicara kegiatan di balik selimut. Biarlah itu menjadi cerita pribadi masing-masing. P

emahamanku menyingkap selimut seseorang, sama maknanya dengan menyingkap batas. Batas perbedaan dan batas ketertutupan. Ya, aku sudah menyingkap batas perbedaan dan batas ketertutupan antara aku dan suami.

Tepatnya kapan, aku juga kurang tahu, namun yang pasti aku sudah menyingkap selimut tersebut, kini tak ada lagi rahasia diantara kami yang tinggal hanya komitmen untuk tidak menghianati kepercayaan yang terus kami bangun.

Hidup berumah tangga tidak cukup hanya bermodalkan cinta, satu tujuan dan bahagia bersama harus menjadi cita-cita pasangan tersebut. Bahagia bersama bukan sekedar bebas tertawa tapi hidup nyaman tanpa tekanan dan tanpa rasa takut.

Aku sudah melampaui batas tersebut, dengan kusingkap selimut perbedaan dan ketertutupan antara aku dan suami. Kini tak ada lagi rasa takut atau malu dalam mengungkapkan rasa dan pemikiranku.

Ini yang kukatakan tak ada rahasia diantara kami. Itulah kebebasan yang hakiki dalam berumah tangga. Buatku sesuatu yang aneh kalau masih ada ketakutan atau rasa enggan atau malu dari salah satu pasangan dalam hal mengungkapkan rasa dan pemikiran pada pasangannya. Kita perlu membangun rasa malu, bila kita melanggar komitmen !

Ketika pasangan tersebut menikah, mereka telah menjadi satu tubuh dan satu jiwa. Karenanya mereka juga menjadi satu rasa. Salah satu dari pasangan tersebut di sakiti maka yang satu seharusnya juga merasa tersakiti. Karenanya aku yakin, seharusnya pasangan suami istri tidak saling menyakiti baik secara fisik maupun mental.

Pagi ini, ketika kuterbangun dan keluar dari balik selimut yang kugunakan untuk berbagi dengan si bungsu, Vanessa. Aku mendapati belahan jiwaku sedang menikmati berita di tv. Aku terbangun karena deringan telephone yang ternyata dari ibu mertua. Beliau menanyakan keadaan putera sulungku, Bas.

Dua hari ini Bas kurang sehat. Suamiku mengira Bas kena Demam Berdarah karena ada bintik-bintik merah di punggung, gejala panas, pusing dan mual. Tapi suamiku enggan membawanya ke RS. Dengan alasan di observasi dulu dua hari. Ini sifat yang kukenal sejak awal menikah. Bukan suamiku tidak percaya dokter, tapi suamiku punya keyakinan yang besar akan kemampuannya dalam menangani gejala sakit anak-anak.

Dan dalam perjalanan rumah tangga kami, aku memang melihat buktinya. Kepanikan justru membawa pada tindakan yang tidak rasional.Aku mengabarkan pada ibu mertua, Bas semalaman demam dan menggigil. Mulai pukul dua dan baru reda sekitar pukul enam pagi. Panasnya cukup tinggi walau akhirnya menurun setelah di beri paracetamol. Cuma sekarang ada batuk. Mungkin ini gejala flu disertai batuk. Jadi kukatakan, nanti setelah Bas bangun jika kondisinya tak bagus, aku berjanji akan segera membawanya ke dokter.

Selesai berbicara dengan ibu mertua dan menutup gagang telephone, suamiku mengembangkan kedua tangannya, menantikanku dalam pelukan. Sungguh damai dan bahagia rasanya berada dalam pelukannya. “Bas masih tidur?” tanyanya “He eh. Kamu belum tidur yah?” aku balik bertanya “Demi anak, aku harus berjaga!” jawabnya “Tapi kalau kamu sakit, bagaimana?” tanyaku lagi “Ya, jangan dong. Tapi memang agak pusing nih. Buatkan kopi dong” pintanya manja “Ok” jawabku.

Belum lagi aku bangkit dari pelukannya, Van muncul dengan wajah kusam. “Selamat pagi cantik!” sapaku sambil merentangkan tangan, mengundang Van masuk dalam dekapanku. Aku dan Van berada dalam pelukan Frisch, suamiku. “Waduh jadi berat, ada siapa yah?” Tanya Frisch “Aku” Jawab Van pelan. “Hei….kok kamu ikut-ikutan masuk sini?” Tanya Frisch “Aku kan juga mencintai mama” Jawab Van yang langsung disambut Frisch dengan gelak tawa. Mungkin pengaruh sinteron, akhir-akhir ini Van selalu menggunakan kata “mencintai” baik padaku, pada papanya maupun pada Bas. Aku bangkit dan meninggalkan keduanya. Sebelum menjerang air, kusempatkan memeriksa kondisi Bas. Panasnya sudah turun dan ia nampak lelap.

Akhir-akhir ini hubunganku dengan suami sangat dekat.. Ini juga membuat aku semakin mengenal sifat dan kebiasaannya. Ternyata memahami pasangan hidup kita hanya memerlukan keterbukaan diri kita untuk lebih menerima ia apa adanya. Sebelum menikah dan ketika baru menikah, aku membuat target-target yang mungkin cukup menekan suamiku.

Di awal pernikahan, hubungan kami berubah menjadi penuh ketegangan. Bahkan terasa sampai lima tahun pertama. Hidupku dipenuhi target dan ketika target tak terpenuhi berganti dengan rasa khawatir. Tapi ketika aku mengevaluasi lagi target-target dalam pernikahan kami dan melihat apa yang sudah aku dan suami lakukan, aku menyadari, banyak hal yang tidak mencapai target.

Aku sempat frustasi memikirkan target-target yang tak tercapai, aku menuduh suamiku kurang berusaha memenuhi target yang kita sepakati. Hidup kami terasa berat. Memasuki tahun ke tujuh pernikahan, aku melihat banyak hal yang seharusnya kami syukuri tapi tak terlihat. Seperti kehidupan keluarga yang baik dalam arti, secara ekonomi kami tak kekurangan bahkan kami bisa membeli polis asuransi pendidikan untuk anak-anak dan polis jaminan perawatan kesehatan di RS. Walau belum mampu mencicil rumah tapi kami masih mampu membayar sewa rumah. Anak-anak bersekolah dan sampai saat ini, biayanya masih dapat kami penuhi. Dapur juga masih tetap berasap.

Artinya, betapa banyak sebenarnya nikmat dan berkat Tuhan yang sudah aku terima tapi tak terasa karena aku memasang target dengan ukuran orang lain. Keinginan memiliki rumah seperti yang sudah dimiliki kakak-kakakku dan teman-temanku. Keinginan memiliki tabungan atau deposito seperti keluarga-keluarga di sinetron. Ingin memiliki mobil agar bisa keliling kota. Pokoknya hal-hal yang kelihatannya sepele dalam arti bukan standar tinggi. Tapi standar layak hidup. Namun aku lupa, standar layak hidup tiap orang ditentukan oleh orang tersebut.

Memang lingkungan memperngaruhi tapi penentuan tetap ada pada diri kita. Yang utama adalah pemenuhan kebutuhan primer. Kenyataannya ketika kehidupanku tidak seperti itu. Bukan kemudian aku menurunkan target tapi aku mencoba memandang dari sisi yang lain. Berusaha tetap bahkan harus ditingkatkan namun mensyukuri apa yang sudah diperoleh jauh lebih menetramkan.

Biar bagaimana aku juga tak mau bekerja keras lalu kehilangan waktu untuk bersama keluarga. Keluarga bukan sebuah taruhan, sebaliknya aku dan suami bekerja untuk kesejahteraan keluarga. Ketika aku sudah menyingkap selimut kehidupan yang melahirkan pemikiran picik, di balik selimut kehidupan itu, aku menemukan keindahan akan sebuah kepasrahan. Ketenangan akan sebuah janji. Usaha, kerja keras dan doa tak selalu menjanjikan kesuksesan tapi tak ada kesuksesan yang tidak di mulai dengan usaha, kerja keras dan doa.

Kedekatan fisik dan emosi antara aku dan suami adalah sebuah semangat akan tekad untuk memberi yang terbaik. Seperti tindakannya mengembangkan tangan menantiku dalam pelukan. Itu hanya tindakan kecil dan tidak terlalu berarti. Jika aku tidak mendekat dan menyambut masuk dalam pelukannya, juga tidak apa-apa.

Aku bisa saja berdalih ingin kekamar mandi. Tapi dengan aku menyambut undangannya masuk dalam pelukannya, aku bisa lebih merasakan ekspresi rasa sayangnya dan ia pun tahu aku menyayanginya. Tak perlu kata-kata, karena sikap dan tindakan bisa melebihi setiap ucapan.

Ketika kami sama-sama sepakat menyingkap semua perbedaan dan ketertutupan, maka kami menyatu dalam fisik dan emosi. Sehingga membuat semua yang kami usahakan selalu bertujuan untuk memberi yang terbaik bagi pasangan dan anak-anak. Beranikah anda menyingkap selimut perbedaan dan ketertutupan dalam kehidupan anda dan pasangan? (Icha Koraag, 25 Maret 2007)

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